hurtlog

							
							Why does life feel like this?
							It’s functioning perfectly.
							It works exactly as intended.
							You’re not the problem.
							The problem is that you were told to adapt
							to something inhumane
							and call it progress.

							
							And still they say,
							“Trust his plan.”
							If this is the plan,
							it’s monstrous.
							
							What kind of plan feeds the wolves
							and starves the lambs?
							What kind of god lets the guilty grow rich
							while the innocent rot?
							
							Don’t tell me it’s a lesson.
							What lesson demands this much blood?
							
							If this is love,
							then love is violence.
							
							If he exists,
							then he is complicit.
							And if he doesn’t,
							we are still alone.

							
							They will say:
							“You should’ve asked for help.”
							Then shame you
							for not holding it all alone.
							
							This world does not care
							if you’re dying
							as long as you don’t leave blood all over the sidewalk.

							
							Guilt does not purify me.
							
							I seek release in silence,
							peace that won't arrive,
							held captive by my conscience,
							barely feeling alive.
							
							Though guilt may never leave me,
							I struggle to believe,
							that someday I'll forgive myself,
							and learn how to relieve.

							
							A bell rope dangles from the ceiling,
							frayed from where fingers once clutched it in desperation.
							It hasn't rung in years, but it could
							
							and that's the cruelty of it
							the possibility
							
							The ache of what might still happen
							if someone, someday,
							pulled again.
							

							I have never felt love at first sight
							I have only ever felt the feeling when I met you I was going to fall in love with you
							
							I didn't know you yet
							I didn't love you yet
							But something in me
							Was already curling around the idea
							
							I knew it was going to be you
							I couldn't wait to know you
							
							I think loving you will feel like coming home with the lights still on
							

							So I wonder who he’d become
							if the right girl drifted into his orbit
							someone softer, perhaps,
							someone effortless in her elegance,
							the kind of beauty that draws devotion
							without ever asking for it.
							
							I imagine it too easily:
							his voice warming,
							his touch learning gentleness,
							his whole being remembering
							how to offer tenderness
							as though it were instinct.
							
							A version of him I’ve never encountered,
							but another girl might.
							
							And that thought settles in my chest
							with a quiet, heavy certainty,
							as if part of me already knew
							that the sweetness I longed for
							was never impossible,
							merely reserved.
							His love feels like a locked chamber,
							and I am left outside its threshold,
							listening to the glow within,
							knowing it will never reach me.
							
							So when he says he loves me,
							I nod,
							but a small voice inside whispers
							that his true, unguarded affection
							is meant for someone else,
							someone he finds radiant enough
							to bloom for.
							

							Let the light expose you
							Strip you of secrecy
							Unveiling you whole
							You still belong to me
							
							Even in the daylight
							Especially in the blaze
							I will love you louder
							Than the dark could ever claim
							
							I will follow you inward
							I will follow you whole
							To the core of your ruin
							To the edge of your soul
							
							Let the light expose you
							You belong to me
							Even in the daylight